Dear 30 Year Old Self,
In about a month, you will be turning 40. Wow! THE BIG 4.0.
Can you believe it? Because I can’t!
I like you thought that it was a long way coming (actually an eternity) and here it is. In your face, telling you to open up your arms wide with a smile.
But here is the thing.
Because no matter how much you try to spin this to be a glorious year to come (although it is), what is scaring you most is the reality that 10 years go fast. Really fast. And that means that 50 is right around the corner.
And you are asking yourself - what is next?
You see for a long time, you have had a really hard time knowing what you wanted to do. And although you have dreams and deep down know what will make you happy, you conditioned yourself to believe that it is not important.
Quite honestly you are AFRAID of it.
Of what your happiness may bring you…
Of how it may transform you to be…
But you see… Fear is keeping you from enjoying one of the most transformational years of your life. Fear is keeping you from sleeping sound at sleep because you are allowing all the world’s expectations to seep in.
I know that you recently read somewhere that at the age of 50, most people start discovering themselves, their passion and turbo charge their giving.
I know when you read it, you felt even more afraid of what may come.
But here is the truth…a fact… some of us don’t even get the chance to live to 50 let alone 40.
And yes, it is sad that most people wait until 50 to start enjoying their lives. But, I promise you, don’t be afraid because soon enough you will understand that turning 40 is a gift from GD (and hopefully he gives you 50+ years more).
So don’t be afraid to allow yourself to be happy. Don’t be afraid to no longer go after what everyone wants you do to because you want to “prove them wrong.” And don’t waste your 39th year worrying about your should ofs and could ofs. Because you will soon see that it was a complete waste of time.
I promise you.
Instead, remember the following (please draw it in your to do list with a sharpie and read it over every single day)-
Enjoy every minute and challenge thrown at you. You will succeed and over deliver as you always have. Say yes more often than no.
Believe in you. You have everything you need within you.
Your body will keep score but you will transcend from it.
Don’t dim your light or smile because others are uncomfortable with what they see.
You are exactly where you need to be. Trust me.
Don’t stay late at your job. Go home on time. Many a times you will stay late thinking that someone will notice or that your sacrifices will take you to the next level. Nope, Negativo.com. Use this time for you… and only you and your dreams.
Stop being the hamster in the wheel thinking that you are accomplishing the important work. Actually it’s someone else’s important work. Take control over your important work.
Trust Your Gut… it will take you further than you ever imagine
Even when your husband or trusted friends don’t see your vision - go for it.
Allow yourself to truly allow the answers to “What will make you happy?” emerge. Once you do, no one, and I mean no one will be able to steer you away from your true path.
The kids will be ok. I promise. They are resilient beyond your imagination.
And yes, you are blessed to have 4 kids.
Accept that sometimes people will not have empathy and its not your job to teach it. Your strongest self will egg you to walk away and this is the correct action. Take it sooner rather than later.
It’s ok to believe in the Buddhist principles and still be a Christian. After all, you are a Buddhist Christian. Your Divine is Gd and no one can take that away from you.
Self-Care and having fun (playfulness) is important. It’s not evil, or bad. Do it more often than not.
It’s ok to cry and be vulnerable. Control is bulls*&t and someone else’s agenda.
It’s ok to connect and allow love to flow through your veins and into your universe. You are worthy (even when others make you feel otherwise).
People do want to know who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to accomplish so allow yourself to show it.
I know you love change because its quite exihilirating. But allow consistency to take hold at times.
Love you always,
You at 40 years old.